Common Boundary Issues

The following videos, instructions, and sample responses are adapted from Nina McIntosh’s The Educated Heart: Laura Allen, 6th edition, 2025

Roles & Boundaries: Common Problem Situations

These videos are common dilemmas that professionals have faced or will likely face at some point. There are no resolutions on the videos. It is up to each individual to decide how they would handle the situations. The goal is to have policies and procedures in place so that you know how to handle a given situation and do so fairly with every client if something arises. Prevention is always the best policy, but we’re all human, and things happen. The task is to respond in a professional manner without taking things personally or being indecisive, judgmental, or parental. That’s sometimes easier said than done when one reacts instead of thoughtfully responding.

For each video, there are two essential questions: What would be an appropriate professional response in this situation? Are there any ways this situation could have been avoided, and if so, what are they?

A professional response clarifies boundaries in a firm but diplomatic way. In many cases, these situations can be avoided by clearly communicating policies to clients upfront. State pertinent policies during the first phone contact. Have company policies included on the intake form, with a checkbox indicating that they have been read and acknowledged (or on a separate policy page). Also, clearly state these policies on the website. Some situations may need to be addressed verbally in the moment, but having clear policies and informing clients of them is actually a service to both them and the therapist. Educating clients is part of the job. In addition to sexual assault prevention, think of all the situations that call for a clear policy, such as arriving late, missing appointments without notice or on very short notice, showing up sick for an appointment, privacy, confidentiality, payment expected at the time of service, and payment methods accepted. Having policies, informing clients of them, and enforcing them is, as Nina McIntosh used to say, “an educated way of being kind.”

There are several ways to respond professionally, but responses should depend on whether the client has been previously informed of the policies. Professional responses should always be given in an even, polite, and non-judgmental tone while maintaining appropriate eye contact with the client. Many therapists struggle with setting limits and feel uncomfortable when they have to inform clients that they are crossing a boundary. It can be helpful to role-play during company training or with a fellow therapist to practice giving a professional response.

The Dilemmas

The client doesn’t want to be draped.

Judgmental/parental response: “You need to be covered, period. It’s not up for discussion.”

Indecisive response: “That’s understandable, but we really ought to use the draping.”

Personalizing the response: “I’m tired of people thinking I want to look at their naked body while I’m doing a massage.”

Professional response: “It’s my policy, as well as the law, that clients have to be draped. I understand you’re comfortable without it, but I don’t make exceptions.”

The client is alarmed by where you are working on the body.

Judgmental/parental response: “Calm down! Nobody else gets upset when I work there.”

Indecisive response: “Let’s just get back to the massage.”

Personalizing the response: “Why don’t you trust me? I’m not doing anything to harm you?”

Professional response: “Thank you so much for letting me know you were uncomfortable. Please let me know anytime there is an area you don’t want me to touch. It’s always my intention for you to feel safe.”

The client makes a pass at you.

Judgmental/parental response: “Are you making a pass at me? That sounded like a proposition!”

Indecisive response: “Sorry, I have a previous engagement.”

Personalizing the response: “How silly of you to think I could ever be interested in  you.”

Professional response: “Thanks, but it’s my policy not to socialize with clients. I keep my business and personal lives very separate.”

The client on the phone wants more than massage.

Judgmental/parental response: “You must be confused if you think this is a sex business!”

Indecisive response: “You’ll have to call back later.”

Personalizing the response: “What do you think I am, a prostitute?”

Professional response: “We provide therapeutic massage. Sexual services are not available.”

A client has a crush on you.

Judgmental/parental response: “That’s being so inappropriate! ”

Indecisive response: “That sounds like a lot of fun, but I already have other plans.”

Personalizing the response: “What do you think, that I go out with all my clients?”

Professional response: “I appreciate the invitation, but it’s my firm policy not to socialize with clients.”